Singing In The Rain

December 6, 2010

All good things must come to an end; and like all big storms, this one started with just one raindrop.

In a moment of weakness I texted The Britt; was his interest in me purely physical or did he wanted more? He’d been sending rather mixed messages for 3 weeks now; never one to play games, I needed to know where we stood. In his ever-evasive English way, rather than answer me, he called and we chatted about everything other than sex. I guess that means he wants more…?

Arriving in Miami was a breath of fresh air. Although I was there for work, it was still a relief from the stress of the past few months of New York grinding. Very unexpectedly The Ex emailed me advising he would be in New York ‘very, very soon’. Lovely, of course I had just left.

Fortunately or unfortunately (no one really knows) I would be returning to the city the same day The Ex was to arrive. Through our classic witty banter I learn he is no longer with his girlfriend… and through chatting with my ever-gossiping Mum, discover he has informed his mother that he is coming to New York is to visit me. Okay…?

Miami had me running from party-to-art show and back again. We’d had no communication but was not lost on me that The Artist must be there somewhere, which is exactly when I received his text. Later that night we crossed paths at The Interview Mag party at The Delano. He looked unbelievably hot and I was dying to get my hands on him. After indulging in a performance by my hero and ground breaking performance artist, Marina Abramovic, where she swam naked in their famous pool I was flying high on the energy from the room.

Apparently he felt the same because at 2AM with ditched our friends for wild sex in his penthouse apartment along the Miami Beach waterfront. The Artist was just as rough as I remembered and even more hungry. His hands and teeth left more than his usual mark, making for slightly awkward poolside tanning the following day. My nipples were seriously bruised and I wasn’t exactly sure how I would explain that to The Britt, should he ever call me again.

Just when I thought that nothing else could possibly arise, I received an email that was long overdue. The Photographer; the first man I’d been with after The Ex and my first ‘friend’ in New York. We’d been through so much, yet nothing at all over the past 2 ½ years. To be honest, I never thought things would have carried on this far.

It was strange to find myself happy reading his thoughtfully crafted note. He may have been more surprised by my response than I was. “I am so proud of you,” pushing the buttons on my blackberry I told him I would always be there for him as his friend.

Since the moment we met I knew he was lost; finally he'd caught up to speed and wanted to do something about it. I only want the best for him, so of course, even though salty tears rolled down my cheeks, I was happy for him. My tears were selfish; I knew we would never really be friends and it broke a tiny piece of my heart to lose him.

Back to The Delano for my last Miami dinner, The Britt called my mobile. Caught off guard and completely surprised, I answered. I think this really could be something after all.

They say there is a calm before the storm; perhaps I was just too busy with the pace of the city to have noticed it. 

Time Warp

November 3, 2010

They say that time heals everything, but as I sat next to The Ex I couldn’t help but think everything was exactly the same.

Not only had The Ex responded to my email to catch up, he invited himself to join me out for a drink right then and there. I guess he felt that coffee wasn’t adequate fuel for seeing an ex for the first time in years.

I sipped my Merlot and continued the polite conversation where The Ex and I caught up on life. Him, delicately navigating around the recent loss of his job and breakup with his girlfriend, while I tried not to sounds too accomplished or pleased with everything I’d achieved since our split.
 
Last call had people rushing the bar and my friends, who had been sitting near by, invited us to join the midnight (aka 4 AM) snack run. Walking in search of eats, the 5 of us turned into 4, and then 3, as people began to call it a night and head home. Down to me, my friend who I was crashing with and The Ex; we reached the corner of our street. The Ex awkwardly invited me to his place, but I countered offered and invited him in to my friend’s.

The Ex and I sat on the couch both of us waiting for what would be next. He was nervous; his heart pounding so hard, I swear I could see it moving. “I still fantasize about you… No one has ever made me feel the way you did,” he could hardly look at me as the words fell from his mouth. “Sex with you is like nothing else.” 

Caught off guard and totally unprepared to respond, I smiled and moved closer to him resting my head on his chest. With his arm around me, it felt like the clock had gone back in time to 3 years ago, when everything was perfect, when we were perfect.

His hands slid their way up my legs, over my body-skimming dress to my hipbone and landing at my waist. The Ex leaned in and kissed me, pulling me closer with each breath. His kiss was so familiar, it was wild. He could not control his self, pushing his hands up my skirt, trying desperately to remove my clothes. The energy between us was totally unexpected. We had been so great together, so fucking great. And this kissing in each other’s arms was just a big reminder of all the amazing things we’d had together.

The Ex couldn’t stop. He kept looking at me, a hunger in his eyes, telling me how sexy I was, how he desired me. We had to stop, but we couldn’t. His lips pressed against the skin of my neck, his tongue pushed inside my ear as his fingers slid deep inside me forcing me to cum.

“You should go,” I whispered between inhales. I had no idea what just happened, but I needed him to leave before I could have sex with him; my will power was at an all time low. The sound of the door locking as it closed behind him hit me hard.

What the fuck had just happened?

The Ex Factor

October 27, 2010

In life, you cannot control what happens; no matter how high the high the only place to go is down.

He was my University boyfriend. We’d been dating two years, 18 months of which were spent living together. We were that couple everyone wanted to be. Physically and esthetically complimentary to one another; we made each other better in every way. I had found him, my partner in crime and it changed everything.

When I moved to New York we were still dating, but as the black sedan pulled away from our place I knew deep down it would be the last time I would see him. A couple of weeks later our relationship ended.

The fantasy was finished. Everything had been turned upside down in an instant. Moving away only made it all the more clear. It was over and I hadn’t looked back, until now. 

Let’s call him The Ex.

Years had gone by, two and a half to be exact. Not one word, email, or text message had passed between us. When it’s over it’s over; I had never been one to dwell on the past.

When I arrived back to the ‘scene of the crime’ to cover an event for an international publication, the last thing I expected was to see him; we had been so good at avoiding each other for so long. 

Never having kept in touch with an ex boyfriend, something made me want to change that. Even though The Ex broke my heart and made me question everything I thought I knew about love, I didn’t hate him. Why couldn’t we be friends? I emailed him. Just a few words, a peace offering and the suggestion to grab a coffee while I was in town. To my surprise, he responded.

And that is when everything changed.