A Fine Line

June 19, 2011

Slow and torturous, I get lost with each word.

Inhaling deeply they expand my mind, my heart, my soul.

In another time, a life we are not living, we're feeling more deeply with each passing day.

Time stands still and in this moment, this very moment, we'll find peace, love, hope and desire.

Your touch soothes my soul, illuminating the dwindling flame that fights to exist within me.

Our breath threatens to extinguish the flame; our passions fight to keep it burning.

Nothing can save us and in reality, is this something worth saving?

One Hot Second

Wendy Bevan

May 26, 2011

Work, friends, secret identities... and the men; the usual suspects created a barrier that I couldn't seem to break. Before I realized it, New York Fashion Week was over. The magazine editors, accompanied by far too many members of the blogosphere, threw back tiny glass-bottles of Russian vodka, while en route to London Town. Winter in the city seemed never-ending and yet somehow, felt like it had flown by.

The 'modern woman' I am most certainly not. How anyone is able to successfully manage both their work and personal life boggles the mind. Busy with a hundred-million projects, my life seemed to slip through the cracks. With 18-hour days prepping for shoots, shows and whatever else, there was little desire or energy to make it out for a nightcap, let alone anything else I was desiring, including sex.

Working weeks without a break, I'd spend my one day off sleeping more consecutive hours than imaginable. This was not the life I was used to living and these were most certainly not the days of tanning poolside at the Thompson; laptop open with an iced coffee and/or cocktail in hand.

What's a 'Chloe' to do...?

Picture Perfect

November 17, 2010

I can't help but go crazy for artist, Michelle Thompson. Her combination of imagery, color, use of line and space, creates dynamic, three-dimensional visuals. Each piece poses a reflective and thoughtful answer to the questions about our society today. For your viewing pleasure, I've included a few of my favorites. (Anyone wanting to get me a holiday gift, I'll take one of each.) 

@Mich_Tom

Desired Distraction

Barbara Kruger

October 13, 2010

Terrible news has a way of creeping up on you. When I called to catch up with a friend she had news and not the kind I was expecting. Our friend is a heroin addict. He is 20.

My heart sunk deep into my chest; the pain he must have felt to turn to something like heroin, I can empathize. What has me so shaken is quite simple and scares me more than anything. This can happen to anyone and no one saw it coming.

There is a pain so deep you’d do anything to end. Lying on the ground, sobbing, you barely make a sound. You want to feel safe; you want it all to just be okay. Helplessness washes over you, making you feel weak and alone, which in turn makes you feel scared.

Worse than the pain is the inability to end it, make it stop. Progressively getting worse, you get to a point where you feel crippled by life, as life itself causes the pain.

So many nights and days were spent dealing with pain. So many pills popped, joints smoked and knives lacerating through layers of flesh in hopes of finding a distraction. It’s not that I ever wanted to die; I was just too tired to keep living.

I first fell in love with sex when I realized it was the only time I wasn’t in pain. Closing my eyes and letting waves of pleasure rush over me, sex was and still is like meditation. In that moment everything bad falls to the side, nothing matters except the physical pleasure.

For me sex is an escape. It requires no thought and has no meaning when it’s done and over. People seem to think there is deeper meaning to the pleasure derived through sex; as a society we are consumed with finding deeper meanings and refuse to just let things be.

No longer in pain, I still see sex as just that, sex. The world is constantly shown in a picture perfect way, a set of ideals that my life is unable to live up to. The ideals others push onto society; inadequacy seeping through and everyday trying to keep up with what ‘they’ say is right.

We live in a world that promotes compliance, not questions. Ignorance really is bliss, but I was never one to be ignorant. Once you open yourself up to understanding, you can never go back.

Sex is still an escape and distraction from the world. That pain that overwhelmed me on so many occasions is gone. I no longer worry about fitting the cookie-cutter mold that is our society’s expectations. I can only hope my friend can find strength to look beyond what people tell us to see and figure out what everything means for him.   
 

Good Vibrations

October 4, 2010

"Your ass is not a cul-de-sac, things can get lost up there!" My girlfriend was laughing as she recounted her disaster of a morning. Still half asleep, my eyes flickered open as she continued; a horrifying story about a mini  pocket-rocket lodged (and then lost) you know where...

I absolutely adore that my friends call me with their madness, fully knowing I will never make them feel embarrassed or ashamed. People spend too much time worrying about how others will perceive them; they forget to focus on how something makes them feel.

Everyday, everything I do is for me. I do not worry about pleasing others, or meeting any expectations other than my own. Let go of what people told you to think and start thinking for yourself. Know that if you want to make something happen you can and don't let anything or anyone stand in your way. 

Working Girl

Helmut Newton

September 29, 2010

Iron Man was back in New York, The Firefighter was emailing me out of the blue and The Director was sending scandalous texts. All the while I fantasized about my next meeting with The Business Man. What next, The Editor was going to crawl out of rehab? Ahh-hem, I mean, the woodwork?

My phone was blowing up, handsome, sexy, stylish men all eager to please. Even with all my options, The Business Man was the only one I cared to hear from. It’s rare to find a man that ‘gets’ you and still fully wants you; I had found one and now he was all I could think about.

My fantasies were running wild and my real life was eager to catch up. I’d imagine us lying in bed facing each other with our bodies pressed together. He would have his hands on my hips, moving them over my ass, pulling me closer so I could feel how hard he was. Our lips would touch and we’d kiss slowly, savoring every second until we couldn’t take another minute.

The Business Man would push me onto my back and force my legs apart pushing himself inside me. Moaning uncontrollably, I would dig my nails into his shoulders, begging him to take me harder. We’d tease each other until we both let go and devoured one another. Breathless and exhausted we’d lay in bed until we couldn’t stand the thought of not fucking again.

The vibration from my phone snapped me back to reality. In bed alone, I read his message. A smile crossed my lips. The Business Man was scoring points as my leading fantasy man and his dirty messages made me want him even more.

Putting my phone down I let out a sigh, exhausted from allowing my mind to run wild. With seconds before my morning conference call was set to begin there was just enough time to catch my breath and dial in. The dial tone clicked in and it was hard not to laugh to myself; if only the people on the other line knew what I had been up to in preparation for the call.

Not exactly the due diligence they probably had in mind.

A Preview

September 17, 2010

For most people summer is a time where they let go of their cares, inhibitions and worries. It’s a free for all fuck-fest that usually ends when the first cold breeze sweeps across our fair city post Labor Day weekend. I found myself sticking with the tried and true; The Photographer, as well as that brief stint with Dating Guy… which was only for a hot second and let’s be honest, it wasn’t that hot. 

The point? I was in need of living it up again, letting go of the worries The Editor had caused me all July and August. There was a secret new man I had my eye on and it was my intention to have my way with him, but not before The Photographer and I finally had the threesome we had desired all summer...

Stay-tuned.

The Next Fix

@SlimeSunday SlimeSunday

June 1, 2010

It’s not necessarily that the grass looks greener; it’s just that you want to know what it feels like under your feet. Who dictates right and wrong in a relationship? Who sets the standard for what is acceptable and what can sustain a relationship over time?

We live in a world of quick fixes and instant gratification. How does the old model of marriage and relationships fit into this modern world? I have grown up in a generation of people that want it all and want it all right now. Why are the relationship expectations of the general public today still very close to what they were some 80 years ago?

I don’t think it makes you a bad person for wanting sex and wanting sex with more than one person for the rest of your married (committed) life; wanting a new thrill every now and then.  

There is nothing like the rush of a fling, whether you are married or single. The urgency one feels when your lips finally touch after aching to feel each other. The way his hands slide up your legs; your nails dig into his shoulder as you push your hips against him. It is pure desire, full of silent temptations. 

Who says you cannot truly love and care for someone while desiring another physically? There is nothing like the sexual rush of being with someone your entire body craves, so why must we choose between love and lust? I do believe that what you don’t know cannot hurt you.

Maybe I am being idealistic... After all I grew up in a generation that wants it all. And preferably right now.  

In Your Dreams

@AlineAlagem

May 18, 2010

People often ask why I never write about BAD sex. Truth be told I have only had bad sex twice and both times were in high school. Rather than attempt to recall such distant memories (perhaps I blocked them?) follow me into dreamland where everyone is gorgeous and the sex is wild.

I have a very difficult time rising in the AM. I am a serial snoozer and truth be told there is one reason and one reason only. I can’t wait to get back to my dreams. As active and amazing as my real-life sexual encounters are, nothing compares to what happens when I am deep in my dreams.

Lying there, it’s as though I am conscious of my dream state, yet I long for it to never end. I find myself surrounded by gorgeous men and women. The rooms are lush and everyone is touching each other as they pass by, not sexually but rather sensually. A woman puts her hands on my shoulders pulling me towards her and kisses my lips; a man massages her neck while we kiss. In my dreams they are people I know, but they do not look like their real life namesakes.

We get lost in each other; the man reaches down and starts rubbing me, getting me so turned on. My entire body is aware of it, I consciously beg him to keep going while I can almost taste the beautiful girl’s lips.

My snooze goes off and I roll over and reset the alarm for another 20 minutes of bliss. I can feel myself aching for my dream lovers and their touch. Eyes closed I drift back to where I left off, about to let go completely.

Everyone in the room is sexualized. They are half naked and just the sight of them is enough to put me over the edge. More people are rubbing me now, all over my body; stroking my soft legs, sucking on my fingers. One man is licking my breasts while the other has his fingers inside me. It’s all so slow and I am aching for them to keep going.

The alarm goes again. I groan and set it for 10 more minutes, sexually frustrated and aching to cum I close my eyes. I am still in my dream, I am with one man; one of my many men I write about. He is staring at me; walking towards me he takes my hand putting my fingers in his mouth. With his other hand he forces me to let go completely.  

I lay there face down in bed; my breath heavy. Even though I am still in my dreamland I am conscious enough to know my alarm is about to go off. I roll over and check my mobile, 1 more minute. I turn onto my back, starring up at the white ceiling; I let my eyes close, recalling the details of the dream as the alarm goes...

Me, Myself and O

@SlimeSunday SlimeSunday.com

May 5, 2010

Many woman still don’t like to admit that they make themselves cum and I am not exactly sure why. If you can’t make yourself feel good, how can you expect someone else to?   

Nothing turns me on like lying in my bed getting ready to fall asleep. There is something about the way the cotton sheets caress my freshly waxed legs; the feeling is so sexual. I often let my mind drift to past lovers. I recall the way in which they touched me, imagining every detail while working myself over. And then, there are my fantasies.

As much as I love sex with men I can’t help but let my mind wander to women. I love fantasizing about being with them. I’ve only properly been with one and I’ve always wanted more.

I lay in bed alone and imagine she is kissing me; her hands, small and delicate. She has one hand on my shoulder and is grabbing my breast with the other; she makes tiny circles on and around my nipples with her nails. Her lips are soft and her kiss is firm.

When she lays me down and kisses my neck her soft hair falls across my face. She is a slave for me, there only to pleasure me. I imagine her hands grabbing my inner thighs as she continues to pleasure me, exploring me with her fingers. She licks me and I let out a short breath, barely able to contain myself. She slides her tongue inside me, tasting all of me, stopping to lick her lips. She kisses me so I can taste myself on her lips and then slides her fingers inside me. She talks me through the entire thing and my head starts to feel dizzy.

I arch my back and imagine her telling me how much she wants to make me cum; I let go. I lay there out of breath, my inner thighs moist. I flip the covers off me as I'm feeling hot and close my eyes. A good nights rest is required for what I have planned tomorrow; my "date" with The Editor is nothing short of reality.