Tongue Tied
I am days away from seeing Hugh, but my mind and my heart are focused North.
I find myself calling it ‘the house’, rather than ‘our house’ even though we’ve spent the last four days loading up the trailer with my belongings and raw materials we’d salvaged from some incredible homes my family bought to teardown. What a dream to be giving new life to such beautiful pieces. How rewarding to enjoy time together in this way, literally hand selecting each piece, disassembling and packing them away for transport North. It’s worth stating that Mr. Wilderness looks incredibly sexy while working. My only regret is being too focused on the task at hand to act on my sexual impulses.
Leaving our home (trying this on for size) was not hard because I know it’s waiting for me when I return. Leaving Mr. Wilderness and the daily doses of pleasure that often resulted more than just once, is a different story. It’s not just the way he devours me with his eyes, his hands, his tongue and his cock, it’s the freedom to indulge in the random moments of joy. I’ll miss the way that we fell asleep holding hands, the times I’d feel his tongue between my legs, licking my pussy even before my eyes opened for the day.
As I write now, I am lounging on the luxurious patio alongside the hot tubs and cold plunge at Espace Thomas in Montreal. I am days away from seeing Hugh, but my mind and my heart are focused North. I’d never felt at home until I moved to New York in 2008 and now it seems I found a new place to call home; It only took 5 years since leaving what some call The Big Apple. I am fully confident about my commitment to Mr. Wilderness, yet even though the town really does feel like home, there is fear about how I will be received by the others.
How will this final summer in Montreal play out? What will my connection with Hugh become? The anticipation of our third date is starting to feel like that of our first. We’ve built a beautiful friendship in the preceding months, but the distance has been tough in terms of my desire for him.
Summer is fading fast, while it’s also just beginning. The biggest question of the moment… Do I reply to the text from that sexy engineer/gymnast asking if he can tie me up?
After all, he did tell me he’s been practicing.
Art of Sext
It has been a hot second since I’ve taken time to share about Hugh. Dear reader please do not for one second think it’s because things have faded. My Montréal based beau is very much alive and well, living his best polyamorous life. In fact his other lover will be joining him this very weekend for a night out at one of the many sex club experiences the city has to offer. Am I jealous?
“Tonight as you fall asleep,” my heart skips a beat as Hugh’s message lands on the screen of my phone. It has been a hot second since I’ve taken time to share about Hugh. Dear reader please do not for one second think it’s because things have faded. My Montréal based beau is very much alive and well, living his best polyamorous life. In fact his other lover will be joining him this very weekend for a night out at one of the many sex club experiences the city has to offer. Am I jealous? Only that I won’t be available to join them.
He continues,“I want to lie you on your stomach with your fingers on your clit thinking of me behind you, massaging your lower back, squeezing my hard cock between your cheeks. As your pussy starts to drip, I slide inside you, pushing deep and filling you up. Letting you feel all of me throb as your pussy contracts to welcome me. As we fuck I start playing with your ass, massaging it until it’s succumbs and lets my thumb slip inside. I finger your asshole and ready it for my cock. You’re so close to orgasm as I take my cock from your pussy and slide it deep into your ass; I grab a fistful of your hair and pull your head back off the bed so I can see your face and watch you. I keep my weight pressed heavy against your waist, your fingers still moving hard against your clit as I move back-and-forth, sliding in your ass until we both explode in violent orgasmic release. We collapse together, my weight pinning you down sweaty and heavy in unison. Exalted.”
Ummm… Yes Hugh, I can absolutely lie in bed tonight and cum fantasizing about savagely hot anal sex with you.
We’ve found ourselves after only two in-person dates in a long distance relationship that goes well beyond Sex; although with messages like these the anticipation and the desire is strong and I feel almost bad for the poor people who will be my neighbors in Montréal this summer.
After more than six months apart Hugh and I have some serious making-up for-lost-sex-time well overdue. For now, our weekly FaceTime’s and lengthly written letters continue; the sexy texts are creating an intense build up and I explode again and again to his written words.
Keep the sexts coming Hugh.
And Then There Were Two
Why does everyone who isn’t “hetero“ or “monogamous“ have to “come-out“ as themselves? We can often get so caught up in the labeling that we lose sight of who the person is and what they stand for, instead focusing on who they fuck and their lifestyle choices.
Anyone who has read my ramblings knows that monogamy isn’t my style. That said, I've been resisting putting a label on myself until now. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t have to. Why does everyone who isn’t “hetero“ or “monogamous“ have to “come-out“ as themselves? We can often get so caught up in the labeling that we lose sight of who the person is and what they stand for, instead focusing on who they fuck and their lifestyle choices.
We matched on an app. I was drawn to his handsome smile, athletic pursuits, international background and his use of the word polyamory. After one or two messages he inquired, “You read my profile? You saw that I’m Poly?”
To which I smiled and replied, “Yes, it’s one of the things that attracted me.”
It was more than just the labeling that had prevented me from embracing the word polyamorous. I want a family and that for me includes children; I’ve been struggling to see how ethical non-monogamy works successfully with children. There are almost no media examples and I personally didn't know anyone achieving this. Yet here is this man; he is smart, charming, kind and confident with two children, a primary partner and a commitment to openness and honesty. He knows what he wants and there is a clear structure of what works when it comes to additional partners.
We sat across from each other, the seafood restaurant in the Old Port of Montreal was nearly empty on this Friday afternoon. I'd just spent 4 hours at Scandinave Spa and was beyond relaxed from the thermal cycle. A light dusting of snow was sprinkling down, evaporating as it made contact with the pavement. Our eyes were fixed on each other and the tension building all week from our messages was thick in the air. Part of me wanted to clear the table with a sweep of my arm, lean across and pull this man towards me; I should have, but I didn't.
We stood on the cobblestone street after lunch and with the glow of the white Christmas lights sparkling in the sky above us, he kissed me. Shivers ran down my spine and through my being. A kiss like that could only mean one thing and I’d spend the next 24 hours until our first dinner date fantasizing about the way his tongue would penetrate me… Let’s call him Hugh.
P.S. After he read this draft he responded by saying, “I'm pretty sure you kissed me…” but given that he clocks in at over 6 feet tall and I’m just a touch above 5 foot 2 inches, I beg to differ.
The One & Done
I am an addict, he was my fix. The ongoing sexting for hours and days on end; playing out endless fantasies, sexual and other, only to let the chips fall where they may.
He asked what made me reach out and I’d told him I wasn’t sure. Hindsight is 20/20 and denial runs deep. I knew why I reached out. I knew what would unfold. And I got exactly what I’d been looking for. Torture, punishment and pleasure.
I was seeking a connection to the past, to an unknown that had tempted me so many times before. The One, an apple in my garden of eden, combined with the voice inside, my serpent, begging me to sink my teeth in and eat my heart out.
I am an addict, he was my fix. The ongoing sexting for hours and days on end; playing out endless fantasies, sexual and other, only to let the chips fall where they may. I hung on each vibration of my phone, while he gave me almost everything I needed from afar.
As time passed it became clear we were spinning. His actions straying so far from the words he speaks. And just as soon as it began it ended. There are no pieces to pick up. Nothing is broken; there is nothing to break.
Empty is my heart, flat is my soul. There is nothing for me with him. The One who got away? The One who was never meant to be? The One I’ll never have. The One and done.
The wild nights we’ll never have. The potential explosion of dynamic energy that will never be set off; the power that could have been. The mind blowing, earth shattering sexual tension dies on each unfulfilled commitment, each call never made nor answered.
Onward.
Now, how do you tell your new partner that when you say open, you really mean open, without scaring them away before things have a real chance? This new man in my life is delightful though I worry our commitments to living outside societal norms may differ in more ways than one.
While I adore how he holds me down by pressing his arm across my throat while I cum... I feel as though he’s not as experimental as I’ll eventually need him to be. Time will tell. For now I’m taking the discovery process slow. Getting to know him more than just sexually but also personally. Is this what they mean when they say adulting?
Bi-Bi-Bi
She stood tall at 5’ 8” with hair so dark it was almost black and it fell just below her slender shoulders. She was dynamic, fiery and wild. We spent many nights causing trouble in Manhattan; dancing, drinking champagne, and mercilessly teasing the men who watched us kiss, but we always left together.
Oil on Linen By Gideon Rubin
“It’s okay not to be gay,” she said and we both cracked up in laughter.
“Lesbians never go for bisexuals,” I said, feeling a tinge of resentment as I sat in the cold metal chair, gazing at the smile of my beautiful neighbor. The air was fresh and crisp and her backyard was overrun with luscious greenery.
“It’s because we think they are curious not committed,” my neighbor concluded.
I’ve never been one for labels, unless of course we are talking about beautifully crafted luxury goods that last the test of time. That said… I’ve always been attracted to men and to women. Growing up I didn’t see bisexual representation on screen or around me. I was raised to respect all people regardless of their sexual orientations, but was not exposed to people who were anything but heteronormative in their approach to life.
As a young person, I pursued relationships with men, as that was constantly being projected onto me. No one asked, “who do you like?” They asked, “which boys do you think are cute?” Because of this projection, it just seemed easier to explore relationships with boys, even though my first kiss was with a girl.
Oil on Linen By Gideon Rubin
Even in 2020, bisexual people tend to be underrepresented on screen and in life. We are often seen as gay, when with a same-sex partner and hetero when with a partner of the opposite sex.
I sleep with men and women. I date men and women. I want to be in a relationship and I don’t see why I have to choose between a man and a woman.
As much as I’m in it for the human being, part of me feels like when I’m with a man, I’m missing out on being with a woman and the reverse is also true. The solution?
Well, long term I have not a fucking clue, but my ex boyfriend and I had a very fun solution for the short term.
But before I had an ex boyfriend, there was The Colombian and she was my first real connection with a woman that was more than just sex; she said she wanted me to be her woman and I was exactly that.
She stood tall at 5’ 8” with hair so dark it was almost black and it fell just below her slender shoulders. She was dynamic, fiery and wild. We spent many nights causing trouble in Manhattan; dancing, drinking champagne, and mercilessly teasing the men who watched us kiss. Her lips, soft and light, her kiss deep and passionate. Even when countless men tried get in on the action, we always left together.
Until one night, a few days after my July 4th pool party years earlier; that is when everything changed.
Oil on Linen By Gideon Rubin
Lunch Break
He lifted me on to the kitchen counter, licked my pussy and sucked on my clit until he pulled my hips down and forced himself inside me.
I lay on the balcony topless soaking up the sun in anticipation of his arrival. As I glanced up, his tall frame entered the doorway of my kitchen. He was covered in dust from the manual labor. His arms were strong and chiseled and he was even more handsome up close than I’d realized.
Standing to meet him our eyes were locked; he towered over me at 6'6". His hands slid up my outer thighs as he bent his head to kiss me slowly and deeply; our lips lingered.
My tongue pulled him closer asking for more without saying a word. I unbuckled his belt and I pushed his jeans to the floor. He was already hard and I lowered to my knees then sliding my lips around the head of his cock. I worked him with my tongue, choking as I tried to fit him down my throat. He was throbbing, becoming harder and harder, growing larger with each pulse.
He lifted me on to the kitchen counter, licked my pussy and sucked on my clit until he pulled my hips down and forced himself inside me. He kissed my mouth and neck as he held me in place and fucked me all the right ways. The music blared in hopes it would cover the sound of my screams, but it wasn’t enough. It was 100 degrees out and every window in my place was open. The neighbors were getting a show whether they liked it or not.
He pulled me down from the counter and carried me into the bedroom. Sitting at the edge of my bed I stood naked in front of him. I slid my fingers inside myself, resting my foot on the inside of his thigh, so he could have a front row up close view to my pleasure and I could admire the beautiful human I was about to fuck to climax.
I straddled him and teased myself with his cock then slid down on him and rode him hard and fast. His hand wrapped tightly around my neck and I placed mine on top, beckoning him to tighten his grip.
“I’m so close,” I whispered, and as I did he slipped his other hand from my hip and pushed a finger into my ass. I let out a moan in pleasure and kept going until I came squirting all over his lap and soaking my sheets.
He flipped me onto my knees and took me from behind. Just as he was about to cum the alarm on my phone went off; lunch break over.
As he was about to let go, he pulled out, whipped off the condom and came all over my ass. Breathless, we collapsed onto the mattress. 40 minutes just wasn’t enough time with him.
“What time do you get off work?” He asked, also eager for more.
“I’ll see you at 5 PM,” I said, as I made my way to the shower. And indeed 4 hours later, like clockwork, he was back in my bed just moments after I closed my laptop.
Round two?
Spray Me Down
As they sprayed the outside of the building with water I turned and asked if he could get me next.
After months working from home I was in need of some excitement. In a city known for having a wild side, COVID-19 had turned everyday into Groundhog Day.
5:30 AM rise, run 7 miles and see the same old white man; get sexually harassed. 7 AM meditate, 8 AM breakfast, 9 AM work and 12:30 PM suntan topless on the balcony. You get it... it’s good but boring. Then finally something new.
My neighbor tells me they’re re-bricking the back of his building next door. “I’m sorry for the interruption,” he tells me. And what an interruption indeed.
I informed the neighbor that I had every intention of tanning topless on lunch breaks as per usual. He nodded clearly having zero issue sneaking glances at my exposed flesh.
The construction was noisy and incessant. For a week, while trying to focus on the task at hand, the men watched me tan during my work breaks. The crew leader was smoking hot and we exchanged knowing glances daily. On the final day of work it was hot as ever. As they sprayed the outside of the building with water I turned and asked if he could get me next.
“Are you serious?” He asked sounding both surprised and delighted.
“Spray me down all the way,” I replied shooting him a devilish grin.
The cold water felt amazing as it dripped down my shoulders and across my breasts. The water trickled down my ass soaking my thong as it continued down and off my ankles into a pool around me. “More!” I demanded.
He hit me with another burst of refreshing cold. After removing the beads of water from my face I turned to face him. “Now that you’ve cooled me off come over at lunch and get me hot again.” I turned to walk back inside and could feel his excitement vibrating from next door.
My lunch break was in two hours and I knew he would be mine to devour. I was wet just thinking about taking him and I hoped he would be as good with his tongue as he seemed to be with his hands.
