Two Hearts Beating Together

November 26, 2010

After reading, The Decline of Men by noted author, journalist and entrepreneur, Guy Garcia, I took a long sip of my wine and let it sink in. Feminism was never about becoming greater than men, it was about becoming their equal; somewhere along the line, the rise of female success had led men to feel inadequate.

I could not help but feel a twinge of depression, did this mean that I would never find my partner in crime? Was all hope of finding my equal now lost? The only thing I could do was track down Mr. Garcia and find out. Was all hope lost or would men eventually be able to find a new sense of self?

His answer? A little from column 'A' and a little from column 'B'.

Chloe: As a male journalist specializing in socio-economic market research, what is the most notable shift you’ve witnessed, since the start of your career in the early 80’s, in terms of female attitude and behavior?    

Guy Garcia: Female attitude and behavior has become more complex as women continue to rise as a gender. Their options in education, work and social life continue to expand, which has made their lives more fulfilling but also more complicated. As men’s social and employment options shrink, women are more and more likely to be a co-income contributor, or increasingly, the main breadwinner. As women become better educated and financially independent, the pool of men that they respect or deem worthy of being with will continue to shrink.


C: As per your novel, The Decline of Men, women have a better success rate when it comes to our modern day social structures (ironic as I believe it was men who created these norms). Do you feel that young men are doomed to be less successful than their female counterparts? Or is it the late 30 and 40 year old's of today who will fall victim to the societal changes of women? 

GG: First of all, The Decline of Men is non-fiction business/sociology. It’s true that women are better suited for the 21st century economy, which favors communication and people skills that give women an innate edge over men. In 2010, women outnumbered men in the workforce for the first time in U.S. history. Also, with women making up more than 60% of all college students in America, it’s only a matter of time before women pull ahead of men in terms of overall earning power. It is indeed ironic that the socio-economic structures that men built—and the very machines that make their muscles irrelevant and obsolete—no longer favor the male gender. The traditional definition of males and why they matter is obsolete and as a society we are still groping for what will replace it.


C: Men like the idea of me, but most don’t really like me. As a young, modern woman, my bold sexual presence excites men at first, but tends to leave them feeling disappointed later. Do you see men and women ever hitting equilibrium? Why does society tend to put us against each other?

GG: Society still tells men that they should be dominant, strong, decisive, etc.  In the workplace and public life, women were in a supportive role, although the female rule of domestic life had its own power. Now women are competing with men for jobs and socio-political clout, yet men have not replaced women as the domestic decider, which includes most household purchases.  Nowadays it’s little girls who are told they should grow up to be fearless, strong, smart, financially independent; as a gender they are in ascent, even as males stall or decline. Men will always be physically attracted to females, but their role in the relationship is no longer so clear. Some guys are ok in the supportive role, other are not. Some women are ok with men that are tame and submissive, but women of all ages complain to me that they can’t find “real guys.”  Guys used to use money and power to lure and impress women, now they use Axe and shave their bodies.  Leveraging physical attractiveness to balance power with the opposite sex is a strategy that men have learned from women.  A lot of young guys aren’t sure they can afford to pick up the dinner tab, let alone support a wife and family. As a result, the gratification of immediate pleasure replaces the rewards of long-term commitment.


C: From an early age the discussion of career and family seems to play a role in the conversations of young girls. Will society reach a point where both men and women will have the ‘choice’ to stay home with the kids or work, and why?

GG: Men are staying home now, but it’s not to raise the kids, it’s because they lost their jobs. In Sweden, the government is mandating maternity leave—paternity leave?—for men.  As women take on more demanding jobs we’ll see more gender-neutral flexibility in the workforce, but the percentage of guys who willingly take on roles previously delegated to women is still very small.  For now many women find themselves doing the work of both genders: holding down a job – and still making dinner, cleaning the house and making sure the kids have clean clothes for school, etc.  Telling guys that they are now free to be housewives is not very liberating; until a truly new definition of masculinity evolves to replace the outdated one, you’re going to see more male confusion, resentment and disengagement.


C: Do you believe that the future success of men is directly linked to the success of women? Or is the ‘decline of men’ a much larger statement about my generation as a whole?

GG: Men and women are inextricably linked. Their fates and desires are intertwined and always will be. Treating the genders as two separate entities misses the point. Half the population slacking off, losing its way and falling behind is a problem for society as a whole, and the solution will come only from men and women facing the facts and redefining the future together. The interesting question to me is: as women replace men in the upper echelons, will they keep the structures and systems built by males or transform them into something completely new and different?