The One & Done

Cristina Jimenez Rey Shop

He asked what made me reach out and I’d told him I wasn’t sure. Hindsight is 20/20 and denial runs deep. I knew why I reached out. I knew what would unfold. And I got exactly what I’d been looking for. Torture, punishment and pleasure.

I was seeking a connection to the past, to an unknown that had tempted me so many times before. The One, an apple in my garden of eden, combined with the voice inside, my serpent, begging me to sink my teeth in and eat my heart out.

I am an addict, he was my fix. The ongoing sexting for hours and days on end; playing out endless fantasies, sexual and other, only to let the chips fall where they may. I hung on each vibration of my phone, while he gave me almost everything I needed from afar.

As time passed it became clear we were spinning. His actions straying so far from the words he speaks. And just as soon as it began it ended. There are no pieces to pick up. Nothing is broken; there is nothing to break.

Empty is my heart, flat is my soul. There is nothing for me with him. The One who got away? The One who was never meant to be? The One I’ll never have. The One and done.

The wild nights we’ll never have. The potential explosion of dynamic energy that will never be set off; the power that could have been. The mind blowing, earth shattering sexual tension dies on each unfulfilled commitment, each call never made nor answered.

Onward.

Cristina Jimenez Rey Shop

Now, how do you tell your new partner that when you say open, you really mean open, without scaring them away before things have a real chance? This new man in my life is delightful though I worry our commitments to living outside societal norms may differ in more ways than one.

While I adore how he holds me down by pressing his arm across my throat while I cum... I feel as though he’s not as experimental as I’ll eventually need him to be. Time will tell. For now I’m taking the discovery process slow. Getting to know him more than just sexually but also personally. Is this what they mean when they say adulting?

Cristina Jimenez Rey Shop

The Deep End

David Hockney

As the resident queen of Manhattan’s rooftop pool hopping-scene, it was business as usual on a Saturday in the summer. I lay mostly naked, at what was then called the Thompson Lower East Side Hotel, on the pool deck of the fourth floor. The sweltering sun reflected in the glass of the hotel‘s windows amplifying it’s rays; creating a Mecca of sorts for us sun worshippers with enough connections to escape the radiating heat off the concrete streets down below.

I continued my summer ritual of dipping in the cold pool and laying out in the humid heat, my body bronzing further with each passing moment. 100°F and climbing it was just another day for the beautiful people sipping deliciously expensive cocktails, served by tall stylish model-types and eyeing the other gorgeous bodies laying about.

Back then the pools were a well-kept secret and unfortunately I may have been responsible for bringing down the house... but that is not this story.

I lay on the lounger as beads of water still floated across my skin from my most recent dip in the pool running down my breasts and onto my flat tanned stomach. I glanced over at the bar to get the attention of my server.. my champagne was almost empty.

The dark tinted glass door to the pool deck swung open. There he was. His T-shirt clung to his muscular body in all the right ways, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Tell me he’s the one I’m supposed to be showing around this weekend... my heart beat faster in anticipation. I had promised my friend I would look after his visitor while he was away and had not a clue what he looked like, just his name and that he was in town from London.

The young man looked about surveying the scene and then I heard it... my name pass through his beautiful full lips.

I couldn’t believe my luck. The way my name rolled off his tongue with his posh English accent sent a thrill down my spine. We locked eyes and as he walked towards me I stood. When he drew close enough I jumped into his arms pressing my wet swimsuit into his dry clothes whispering in his ear “Welcome to New York,” and that was when everything changed.

I didn’t know it then but this encounter would be the beginning of a whole new world.

Though it was nine years ago, that weekend we spent together has stayed close to my heart. He’s the only man I felt such a connection with who I didn’t devour in an instant.

At the time I’d told him it was because I had a boyfriend... but let’s be honest my boyfriend was married to another woman, had three kids with a fourth on the way and that is not why I wouldn’t sleep with him.

This was new for me, a connection between us unlike anything I’d known. We spent the weekend getting lost in each other. His kiss, his arms holding me closely. His hot breath as his tongue passed over my panties getting me so wet and beyond turned on.

There was a feeling of intimacy and carnal need to be together, yet I was resisting the temptation to make him just another conquest.. he was to be more than that. Even though it was almost impossible to resist as I felt the size of his hard cock push up against me, something told me to wait.

Back then I was too caught up in running to understand it. But now almost a decade later it clicked; he has always been the one.

Now, countless miles apart he is in London and I am in Montreal. The world has been put on pause and I know without a shadow of a doubt he is the only one I want and perhaps he always has been.

The One

The thought of his touch electrifies every cell in my being.

The space and time between us is vast but also nonexistent. This connection runs deep and my mind goes to those future places where we are together. Properly together.

That first touch, our first kiss.

As he said, “It will be a million microseconds being pulled together at once, like tiny shards of metal hopeless to their magnetic nucleus; causing a large energetic whole - where time stands no chance against the physics”.

He is poetic and passionate, dark and intense and oh so fucking beautiful. My heart sinks deeper in pleasure with each song he sends, with each photo of his gorgeous body and handsome face I receive.

A snippet of artful delight lands on my phone screen as we exchange erotic art sexts; the depth of my desire increases. 

I’ve never wanted to be locked down before but with him it’s undeniable. My heart is engulfed in his darkness. Wild, crazy and open. To be locked down with him is to truly be free.

I’ve never met someone who loved me for me. They loved the idea of me, but when the cards are on the table and there are no chips left to play, it’s too much, I’m too much.

He is different. He is strong like me, smart like me, dark like me. Even if we are never together, he will always be the one.