Bi-Bi-Bi
Oil on Linen By Gideon Rubin
“It’s okay not to be gay,” she said and we both cracked up in laughter.
“Lesbians never go for bisexuals,” I said, feeling a tinge of resentment as I sat in the cold metal chair, gazing at the smile of my beautiful neighbor. The air was fresh and crisp and her backyard was overrun with luscious greenery.
“It’s because we think they are curious not committed,” my neighbor concluded.
I’ve never been one for labels, unless of course we are talking about beautifully crafted luxury goods that last the test of time. That said… I’ve always been attracted to men and to women. Growing up I didn’t see bisexual representation on screen or around me. I was raised to respect all people regardless of their sexual orientations, but was not exposed to people who were anything but heteronormative in their approach to life.
As a young person, I pursued relationships with men, as that was constantly being projected onto me. No one asked, “who do you like?” They asked, “which boys do you think are cute?” Because of this projection, it just seemed easier to explore relationships with boys, even though my first kiss was with a girl.
Oil on Linen By Gideon Rubin
Even in 2020, bisexual people tend to be underrepresented on screen and in life. We are often seen as gay, when with a same-sex partner and hetero when with a partner of the opposite sex.
I sleep with men and women. I date men and women. I want to be in a relationship and I don’t see why I have to choose between a man and a woman.
As much as I’m in it for the human being, part of me feels like when I’m with a man, I’m missing out on being with a woman and the reverse is also true. The solution?
Well, long term I have not a fucking clue, but my ex boyfriend and I had a very fun solution for the short term.
But before I had an ex boyfriend, there was The Colombian and she was my first real connection with a woman that was more than just sex; she said she wanted me to be her woman and I was exactly that.
She stood tall at 5’ 8” with hair so dark it was almost black and it fell just below her slender shoulders. She was dynamic, fiery and wild. We spent many nights causing trouble in Manhattan; dancing, drinking champagne, and mercilessly teasing the men who watched us kiss. Her lips, soft and light, her kiss deep and passionate. Even when countless men tried get in on the action, we always left together.
Until one night, a few days after my July 4th pool party years earlier; that is when everything changed.
Oil on Linen By Gideon Rubin